Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
