Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
