how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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