You smell like a Billy Joel song
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
