Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
