Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
