I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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