the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
