Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i drank out of a bidet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
