Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
