i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
