I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
