Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
