Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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