Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
