To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need water and some morals
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
