Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She even gives head with a lisp.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
