Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
