And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
