I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
