he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize