WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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