Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
