I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
