So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
