Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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