I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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