The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
