You just made me feel so damn special
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
