Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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