Betty ford says i'm here all night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
