They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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