wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
