I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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