i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
