"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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