can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
