I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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