Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
