Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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