Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
