OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
