I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
