My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
