I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
