from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
