Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
