hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
