i was born a porn star she said
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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