Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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