dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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