You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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