I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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