last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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