What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
