I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
