please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize