I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
