Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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