I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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