He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
