Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
