please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
