last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
