Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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