My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so let's talk penis.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
