Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
COCAINE IS GR8
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
