hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
