Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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