dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
