I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want a musical about memes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
